Potty Mouth
by zcross1997
Summary: Numbuhs 3 and 4 learn a new word, much to the shock of everyone in the Kids Next Door. A parody of the Spongebob episode, "Sailor Mouth".


Disclaimer, I don't own Kids Next Door. Nor do I own the movie In Bruges.

Numbuh 3, aka Kuki Sanban skipping down the street and humming. Suddenly, she stops when she sees graffiti written in the wall and begins to read it.

"Hmmm... Toiletnator... is a moist... fuck." Numbuh 3 reads out loud. Unfortunately Cree Lincoln is walking down the street and heard her.

"You kiss ya MOTHER with that mouth, kid?" Cree asks shocked, before walking away.

"Well no, we don't do that where I come from." Numbuh 3 answers.

Numbuh 4, aka Wallabee Beetles then walks up to her.

"Hey, Numbuh 3." Numbuh 4 says waving at her.

"Oh hi Numbuh 4. I have a question. What's that word?" Numbuh 3 points to the graffiti on the wall.

"Toiletnator. Yeah, he's my crazy uncle that thinks he's my mortal enemy!" Numbuh 4 answers annoyed.

"No, no that word. That word." Numbuh 3 points to the last word.

"Fuck? Oh, wait a minute. I think I heard my mom say that about some orange guy on TV. I think it's one of those words that kinda means anything. I think adults use because just wanna keep kids down." Numbuh 4 answers, trying to sound like an intellectual.

"Oooooo. How's this sound? Hi, Numbuh 4, how the fuck are you on this fine fucking day?" Numbuh 3 asks fanciful.

"I pretty fucking good Numbuh 3. I don't have any fucking homework from school. I'm gonna go back to the fucking treehouse to play some fucking video games with Numbuh 2." Numbuh 4 asks, again trying to sound smart.

"Do you wanna fucking play with my Rainbow fucking Monkeys?" Numbuh 3 asks.

"No, I don't wanna fucking play with your Rainbow Fuckies." Numbuh 4 answers.

"I fucking love this fucking word Numbuh 4." Numbuh says.

"I do too. Why the fuck don't the fucking adults use it more? Numbuh 4 asks. The two then begin laughing. Then Numbuh 4 gets an incoming call. It's Numbuh 2, aka Hoagie Gilligan.

"Hey guys, I sent you a mission idea that Numbuh 1 wants you to deliver to the Moonbase. Can you do it?" Numbuh 2 asks.

"On our fucking way, Numbuh 2." Numbuh 3 answers.

"What'd you just say?" A shocked Numbuh 2 asks.

"She said we'll your fucking message about Numbuh 1's fucking idea. Can we fucking go now?" Numbuh 4 says before hanging up on Numbuh 2.

The duo find a ship near Numbuh 4's house and proceed to the Moonbase.

They arrive on the Moonbase and are greeted by Numbuh 65.3.

"Numbuhs 3 and 4, how are you?" Numbuh 65.3 asks.

"Pretty fucking good, Herbie. We're just here to deliver this fucking message to Numbuh 362 to Numbuh 1." Numbuh 3 says, causing Numbuh 65.3 to stare at her in shock.

The two of them walk and begin reading the message Numbuh 1 wants to give.

"This is a great fucking idea that Numbuh 1 has, isn't it Numbuh 4?" Numbuh 3 asks.

"Fuckin' Yeah it's great fucking idea?" Numbuh says in agreement. They are also heard by Numbuhs 23 and 35, who heard what they said.

"Um, did they just say?" Numbuh 36 asks but is interrupted.

"Yeah, they did." Numbuh 23 answers.

The two begin walking towards a microphone.

"Oooo, here's the fucking PA microphone for the fucking treehouses. You think we could tell what the fuck Numbuh 1's fucking plan is." Numbuh 3 asks.

"I don't fucking see why the fuck not. Knock yourself the fuck out." Numbuh 4 answers.

"All fucking right, then." Numbuh 3 says before gabbing the microphone.

"Attention to everyone fucking operative on the fucking Moonbase, where the fuck is Numbuh 362? Numbuh 1 has a fucking message for her. It's for a fucking plan to fucking raid the Delightful fucking Mansion. He wants fucking recommission the Delight fucking Children from down the fucking land back into Sector fucking Z." Numbuh 3 yells into a microphone.

As she says this, various operatives either stand shell shocked, laugh until the pee themselves, or begin crying. Numbuh 362 runs into the PA room and stares at Numbuh 3.

"Hi Numbuh 362, how the fuck are you on this fine fucking day?" Numbuh 3 salutes.

"Numbuh 1 has a fucking message for you." Numbuh 4 salutes.

(Elsewhere on the Moonbase)

"I hate bad words, Lee." Numbuh 83 says.

"Yeah, not cool. Let's get outta here." Numbuh 84 says.

They leave as do the nearly every other operative on the Moonbase, disturbed by Numbuhs 3 and 4's foul mouths.

(In the Moonbase hangar)

Numbuh 1 arrives to a deserted hangar. He walks around, curious why nobody is around.

"Hello? Numbuh 3? Numbuh 4? Numbuh 362? Where is everyone?" Numbuh 1 asks.

Suddenly a door opens and Numbuh 362 walks through, with Numbuhs 3 and 4 behind her.

"Numbuh 362 sir. Did you get the message?" Numbuh 1 salutes.

"At ease. I got in, in a way Nigel." Numbuh 362 says.

"Well where is everyone?" Numbuh 1 asks. "I don't think I've ever seen the Moonbase this empty." Numbuh 1 comments while looking around the empty Moonbase.

"Because, Numbuh 1. These two members of your Sector seemed to have learned a new word. Which Numbuh 3, yelled over the intercom." Numbuh 362 explains.

"Well, what did they say, Rachel?" Numbuh 1 asks curiously.

"She said, 'fuck'." Numbuh 362 whispers into Numbuh 1's ear, shocking Numbuh 1.

"Numbuh's 3 and 4, get over here!" Numbuh 1

says, causing them stand at attention right in front of him.

"I should let Numbuh 86 decommission you for using that language!" Numbuh 1 shouts at them.

"What's the big fucking deal, Numbuh 1? What the fuck did we say that was so fucking bad?" Numbuh 3 asks.

"Yeah, it's just a cool fucking way of talking." Numbuh 4 comments.

"There is nothing COOL about that word!" Numbuh 1 snaps.

"Do you mean, fuck?" Numbuh 3 asks.

"Yes I do. Now stop that word, it's a bad word." Numbuh 1 informs them.

"Bad word?" Numbuh 3 and 4 say looking at each other. They then begin to spit after realizing what they did.

"Yes, that's bad word #3. In fact there are 7 bad words, that you should never use." Numbuh 1 explains.

"I thought it was 13 bad words." Numbuh 362 says.

"No, it's 7." Numbuh 1 quips. He hands all three of them pieces of paper with the 6 bad words written on it.

"Wow those must be some bad fucking words." Numbuh 4 says to Numbuh 3.

"Now, listen. I want the two of you to take the day off. I'll be at the treehouse if you need me." Numbuh 1 says putting his hands on their shoulders, having calmed down.

(Cut to Numbuh 4's house)

Numbuhs 3 and 4 are watching TV in the living room.

"I guess it's a good thing that Numbuh 1 told us what words not to say. Imagine if we did say those in front of our parents." Numbuh 3 says

"Ya got that right. Let's agree not to say it again." Numbuh 4 says.

"Yeah. Hey, let's play that video game." Numbuh 3 suggests.

"Okay." Numbuh 4 agrees.

Numbuh 4 plugs in the game. After five rounds, Numbuh 4 gets his butt kicked my Numbuh 3 at the game. He throws the controller at the TV.

"STUPID FUCKING GAME!" Numbuh 4 shouts, before covering his mouth, realizing what he said.

"Ooo, you said #3." Numbuh 3 points at Numbuh 4.

"Wait, Kuki it was accident. It just slipped out, you understand right?" Numbuh 4 pleads.

"Yeah, I understand. NUMBUH 1!" Numbuh 3 runs out the door to go to the treehouse.

"Wait, Numbuh 3, please don't tell!" Numbuh 4 pleads while keeping up with her.

"But you said, fuck!" Numbuh 3 covers her mouth.

"Ha! Now, I'm gonna tell on you!" Numbuh 4 picks up speed.

The two of them are neck and neck when the run into the treehouse.

"NUMBUH 1!" They both shout, startling Numbuh 1.

"He/ she the word you told us not to say.!" They both rant incoherently.

Numbuh 1 pulls out a MUSKET and fires it at the ceiling. The two of them stop their rambling.

"Now listen, I want you both to calmly tell me what you need to tell. Understand?" Numbuh 1 firmly demands.

"Okay." Numbuhs 3 and 4 nod.

"He/ she said fuck!" The two of them point at each other.

"You two, come with me now!" Numbuh 1 grabs them by their shirts and leads them into the meeting room.

"I thought I told that we don't tolerate profanity in the Kids Next Door. The two of you proved me wrong. You two wait right here, I'll be back." Numbuh 1 leaves the room.

"What's gonna happen to us?" Numbuh 4 asks nervously.

"We might get 40 lashes." Numbuh 3 answers.

"Oh, crud." Numbuh 4 imagines having 40 extra eyelashes.

"We shouldn't have said that. I wish I never found that writing. We really should make a vow to clean mouths." Numbuh 3 suggests.

"Agreed." Numbuh 4 nods in agreement.

Numbuh 1 walks back in the room with cleaning supplies.

"Alright you two, since you can't can't seem to clean your mouths, you're going to clean every floor on this treehouse. Top to bottom."

Numbuh 1 then steps on a nail and screams in pain.

"Ow! Holy shit, my fucking foot! Piss on that fat cunt Numbuh 2. I told that cocksucker to fix this motherfucking treehouse! If he doesn't get the fuck back here, I'm gonna cut his fucking tits off!" Numbuh 1 rants holding his foot. Numbuh 3 begins counting all the bad words he said.

"That's all 7, Numbuh 4." Numbuh 3 says.

"We're gonna tell your dad, Numbuh 1!" Numbuh 4 shout.

"What? No, you can't tell my dad." Numbuh 1 pleads.

Numbuh 1 chases the two of them down to his house.

"Please, my dad doesn't need to hear that. I don't think he'd be able to take it." Numbuh 1 pleads again.

"Mr. Uno, Mr. Uno!" Numbuhs 3 and 4 bang on the front door and Monty Uno answers.

"Oh, hello there. Are you looking for Nigel?" Monty politely asks.

"Mr. Uno, I said fuck, then I said fuck. Then we both said fuck." Numbuh 4 says.

"Yeah, then Nigel said fuck and shit. He even called Hoagie a cunt and a cocksucker. He didn't even care how insulting he was being, he just cared about his motherfucking treehouse. I mean holy shit, it was so fucking unsettling. I've never been so disgusted with him." Numbuh 3 continues from Numbuh 4's rant.

Monty stares and all three kids in shock.

"Oh, dear." Monty falls flat on his back, hitting his head in the process. Numbuh 1 rushes to his dad's side.

"No, dad. I'm sorry, I didn't want this to happen."

Numbuh 1 says with tears in his eyes. He then turns to Numbuhs 3 and 4.

"You two should be ashamed! I am absolutely disgusted that you two made my father faint with your gutter mouths!"

Monty then gets up, seeming to have recovered.

"You should all be ashamed. And if you going to talk like military grunts. Then your going work like military grunts." Monty says to the three of them in a surprisingly firm tone.

(In the Uno residence)

Numbuhs 1, 3, and 4 are cleaning the house. Monty walks over to them.

"I think you three have earned yourselves some soda." Month walks to the kitchen, but steps on a nail in the process.

"Ow! My "cunt fucking" foot!" Monty says, grabbing his foot. Numbuhs 1, 3, and 4 gasp in shock.

"Dad?!" Numbuh 1 says shocked.

"What? You're mother's just watching her favorite movie ol' bean." Monty explains.

In the living room, Mrs. Uno is watching "In Bruges", which is where the sweating came from.

"Come and join me dear." Mrs. Uno says, asking Monty to join her.

Numbuhs 1, 3, and 4 begin to laugh.

End Transmission

Please read and review. Yeah, this one of the first KND Spongebob parodies I wanna write. The seven dirty words are George Carlin's 7 dirty words. I counted that I wrote 67 f-words. Have fun counting that.


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